We continue our January theme of family building, with posts that focus on questions like:

• What made you decide to have kids?
• Did you have any criteria for what kind of kid you wanted, and why?
• How did you decide on your process (adoption, surrogacy, etc.)?
• What memorable moments occurred during your process, good or bad?

This week’s excerpt from Magic Lessons looks at my experience in that necessary evil of the fost-adopt process, training:

In training, one of the first things you learn is the definition of a special needs child. This includes, believe it or not, a child with a diagnosed special need such as a physical, emotional, or developmental disability. However, again at least in California, it also includes the following:

• Any child over two
• Any child who is not white
• Any siblings

So, yeah: You could fost-adopt a future president of the United States, and if he or she is three, or Latino, or has a sister who’s also in foster care, that child is special needs. I actually hit the trifecta: My kids were both over two and not white and part of a sibling set. Yahtzee! The good news is, the county gives you a (meager, but every penny counts) monthly stipend for these “special” kids, up to age eighteen. The bad news is . . . really?

Anyway, other things you learn in training include the following:

• How to discipline
• How not to discipline
• All the attachment disorders you can expect to see
• How there’s a good chance you won’t see these disorders until your kid hits puberty
• The honeymoon
• How not to be fooled by the honeymoon
• What to do when the honeymoon ends—probably much sooner and more abruptly than seems reasonable

Now it’s your turn! Share your family-building story by leaving a comment, or contact me at joe@jmswordsmith.com to have your story featured as a post in a future week!